He sits in his chair and listens. There are people everywhere. They carry on their day; things to do, people to see. He just sits there. His world has stopped turning for the time being. He can’t laugh. He can’t even smile. They say it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. But he’s not even frowning. He’s just blank. A shell of the person he used to be. Like an oyster with no pearl.
His eyes glaze over. I don’t think he wants to feel this way. I’m sure he wants to be happy. But since when did we ever have a choice? Human emotions are controlled by no one. Excruciating confusion is etched on his face. Sure, he could put on a brave face and fool the world into thinking he’s got his shit together, but at the end of the day, he can’t fool himself. He’ll go home to his one bedroom flat and, submerged in loneliness, the tears will fall.
Forced happiness is exhausting. Waiting around for something you know may never happen is exhausting. Spending your days praying for emotional relief is exhausting. I get it. And I wish I could help him. I wish I could tell him that I understand. Love and happiness are the two things in this world that should be the easiest to find, yet he’s still looking.
As I watch him, I wonder what he is thinking. What is going on in his world that has stripped him of everything he once was? Everyone is fighting their own battle, but to lose the ability to laugh? What kind of war zone is this?
Time changed things. It withered them.
A rose, once beautiful, now wilted and faded.
And yet she watered it daily, drenched it in stubborn love,
With the hope that it would continue to blossom.
Still the first petals began to fall; one by one, edges curling.
He watched, realisation stinging. There was nothing he could do.
He left that rose there too long, to throw it out would be unbearable,
But to look at its lifeless state every day? That was worse.
Time changed things. It withered them.
They were beautiful, but he let them die.
I will fight for this, for I know its worth.
The war wounds that will undoubtedly be inflicted upon me,
Oh how they’ll sting, but they will heal with time.
And don’t forget, I am cloaked in armour.
Yesterday’s mistakes have taught me of its importance,
For what use is my heart if it is broken and bleeding?
Today’s battle will be tomorrow’s victory,
And the shackles of imprisonment will release me to be free.
I will fight for this, and I will win.
It’s beautiful down here.
All around me is vibrancy;
Blues, greens, yellows and oranges.
It baffles me that so many are afraid of what lurks
Beneath the surface of this spectacular mass.
How many miss out on this natural phenomenon
As a result of fear?
Looking up, I can see the sun glistening.
Bright and optimistic, the rays cut through the water,
Warming my skin, beckoning me up to the surface,
To dry land, to air.
I hazard a glance below;
It is dark and murky.
The mysteriousness of the unknown sparks my curiosity,
The safety of above long forgotten.
As I swim lower, I feel exhilarated.
I fear nothing, the oceanic hues still vivid in my mind.
It really is beautiful down here.
And as water fills my lungs and my vision starts to blur,
I thank God I have witness such a spectacle.
It’s been a while now, and my mornings haven’t been the same.
Nor have my evenings for that matter.
I have never known a world quite like this one;
A world full of laughter and music,
Of tight hugs and flickering candles.
This new place is delightful
And perhaps if I had known of its existence,
I would have left the old one sooner.
Undefined opportunities, abundant in curious lust;
under my skin, crawling with passionate exhilaration.
And just when the end seems imminent, it begins again.
Much more powerful than before, it commands attention.
Eyes closed, mouths open but unable to breathe;
a tangle of spontaneity and unanswered questions.
Unexpected moments, like shooting stars,
Beautifully striking but passing by too quickly.
We made it…
Through the blanket of darkness,
across rivers we believed ran too deep.
Where we sat drinking champagne from the bottle,
the reflection of each other in our eyes.
The taste of whispers
and midnight kisses fresh on our lips.
The words to the song that reminded me of you.
Happiness so strong it brough tears to your eyes.
We made it…
My dear, I can hardly believe it,
it looks like we made it.